Bittersweet

There’s really no other way to say it, I think. As overused as this word is, it does the feeling justice; nothing comes closer to describing my sentiments at this time. And I know I frequent the long-winded, wordy posts, but for once, words truly do escape me. Collecting your thoughts so that they might somehow convey the past four years of your life is some task that currently isn’t working out for me, so in lieu I want to say thanks.

Thank you to everyone who has pushed me, motivated me, listened to me, given me advice, cried with me (I probably did more of the crying, in this case), helped me embrace my youth as well as solidified my ambitions for the future. For you two who have supported me in every way fathomable, always had my best interest in mind and never once doubted the effort I put into giving my best for myself and for you. I love you more than I can ever express. I will make you proud. For those of you who have laughed with me and brought life into each of these days, for being such a wonderful and down-to-earth group of friends, as bizarre as we all are—definitely found my niche with you guys. For you guys who will always have my back, have always believed in me, and will forever be down for new adventures— thank you for showing me the importance of family and togetherness. For you, who has given me my first love, and the best kind of love—real love. For inspiring me to be better and pushing me in more ways than one, and seeing me through when I was less than that. This really is what I’ve been waiting for.

I honestly don’t know what I would have done with all of your guys’ love and support. I’ve honestly had a great time with high school, and can’t wait to see what’s in store with all of you guys. Here’s to the future.

Wonderful court is wonderful. Honestly couldn’t ask for a better group of friends.

"But if you knew you might not be able to see it again tomorrow, everything would suddenly become special and precious, wouldn’t it?"

Haruki Murakami - Kafka on the Shore (via anec-dotes)

(via summerclothes)

Honestly, I was beginning to feel comfortable with my body, but there’s always some trade-off; it’s never the full satisfaction of feeling content with myself, and it really kind of sucks to fret about things that are beyond your control. Fuck you, petty self-esteem issues.

Will always admire people who find success and/or do amazing things, and still manage to stay humble and down to earth.

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(via takingbackanna)

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With college impending (well, maybe not as soon as I’m thinking it to be), I often find myself thinking, planning out mental sketches of what my years should look like. I don’t know whether it’s from excitement or the need for some kind of game-plan, some kind of preparation, but part of me is convinced that this new chapter, so to speak, is finally that fresh start that I need. The clean slate. To realign my priorities, to seek out the things I like and stay with it. I’ve always thought myself the jack of trades—willing to sample something, many things, but never linger long enough to ride it through. Perhaps it’s this very attribute that I notice so conspicuous in myself that pushes me to make plans, clear plans, because at least then, I’ll know just what it is I’m after and a lucid idea of how to get there. I leave a lot to wishful thinking, leave the details in ambiguity, hoping it’d work out in the end, but it’s plain to see in retrospect: you have to be a self-advocate to realize your goals. I can be wishy-washy and hopeful, but none of it translates to anything if I am not first fully invested and believing in myself and future.

It’s been a process: I’m taking strides. Still. It took some effort to quit being endlessly self-depreciating, to shed that shell of shyness that I’ve had from the beginning, hard to quit recurring thoughts of self-doubt, all of which were largely projections of my own conscious, nobody’s elses. That’s the thing: I’ve always cared too much, thought it was okay to harbor these traits, so long as they never clashed with others. In essence, for a time, I neglected furthering my personal growth, my integrity, my own perception of myself because I thought it was okay to settle for that. Like I said—it took a while to realize that change was desperately needed. As they say (and I paraphrase): life is only understood backward but must be lived forward. But after seeing now, I have an idea of what I need to do. I’m less unreceptive or unwilling, more affable (I’d hope) or at least willing to try, more confident in my abilities. I’ve got miles to go, really, but it’s been nice living on the other side of things—just seeing how much brighter things are when you’re not taking it on with the lens of cynicism.

I don’t know. Sometimes it takes a few friends, a quote from a story, an inspirational message, words of wisdom, a single person and their story— sometimes it takes just that to motivate you into a position where you chase that dream notion, cost what it may, whatever it may be. For me, I know what I’ve got to do: as strange as this sounds, take care of myself. For the better. Push myself, work my limits, because when the comfort zone gets too easy, then I know I’m not giving it my all. Get involved, stay involved, be receptive and not so quick to be judgmental, give chances. Work hard, but play hard, too, because you’ll deserve it. Find something you love and stick with it so you’re not just the jack of all trades, but maybe a master of one (or some)! Be a go-getter. Seek out your success. Give everything a shot. Because, remember what the wise Michael Scott once said(/quoted?):

“You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take. - Wayne Gretzky”
- Michael Scott
- And now, I guess, me, by extension

(I couldn’t resist.)

In all seriousness. College will be good. Count on it.

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waw

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I’m one of those people that crave the open road. A good adventure. It’s nice to stray from the structure and schedules that comprise our lives to meander off course, just for a little bit. There’s something undeniably exhilarating about having your windows rolled down, a good mixtape, company, and the open road.

Yeah, we’ll be reunited.